Skeletons in the Closet review.
You’ve seen everything that Skeletons in the Closet is doing before. You’ve probably turned those movies off. What was Shudder thinking?
New movie reviews will not contain spoilers.
Skeletons in the Closet
Directed by Asif Akbar
Screenplay by Koji Steven Sakai and Joshua A. Cohen
Starring Terrence Howard, Cuba Gooding Jr., Udo Kier, Clifton Powell, Valery M. Ortiz, Sally Kirkland and Louis Mandylor
Skeletons in the Closet Review
It’s been a while since I bothered to think about how Shudder selects the movies it’s going to distribute. The previous caretaker (before budget cuts) had a strong eye for it. Picking up titles to stream costs money…so you want to make sure you get a good bang for your buck. Despite the regime change and cost cutting measures, Shudder has continued to deliver some strong experiences for the horror hounds that subscribe to the service. I have no way of knowing which movies were already in the queue prior to the change…but titles like When Evil Lurks, Birth/Rebirth, The Sacrifice Game and the upcoming Stopmotion provide a lot of hope for continued success.
Which brings us to Skeletons in the Closet. Look…not every movie Shudder picks up is a winner. That’s been the case throughout its entire existence. But you could always see what drew them to the material…what they though their user base would get out of it. Shudder is an odd fit for Skeletons in the Closet. The last place it should be aired is on a service specifically tailored towards hardcore horror fans. The only chance the movie has to find an audience is by getting it in front of people who have never seen a horror movie before. Shudder has chosen the opposite.
If you have seen a horror movie before…you’ve seen everything that Skeletons in the Closet does before. You’ve seen it done far better…and with a much greater sense of urgency. At times, the movie plays like a Lifetime movie that lightly dabbles in the occult. In fact, the only thing that probably keeps it from being exactly that is its commitment to a darker resolution. Which…we want to give it credit for.
The story (eventually) centers around a family curse. It takes a while to get down to that business, however. The script goes down a couple of dead ends before settling on its one interesting idea. Mark (Terrance Howard) and Valentina (Valery M. Ortiz) find out that their daughter’s cancer has returned. This time it has spread to her brain. Lacking the money needed for her treatment…the couple tries everything they can to help her.
The story dabbles with religion…and the mob…and psychics…and Udo Kier with a snake. It’s an odd one. Mark’s ex-convict brother (Cuba Gooding Jr.) puts him in touch with a bad man who can help him out. This becomes the primary storyline in Skeletons in the Closet until it is dropped completely. And I mean…completely. Mark breaks down when these bad men come to his home and threaten his family. Then we never hear about them again. That’s the level the script is working on.
Fortunately, it does eventually get to the family curse. Specifically, something in Valentina’s past is resulting in her child’s illness. This is the one good idea that Skeletons in the Closet pulls off. It comes after long walks on roads to nowhere…but it’s a solid horror movie premise. Once the story fully commits to it…it becomes watchable. The first half…maybe first hour…is rough. While the final act can’t save the movie (at all) it does elevate it above the worst movies we’ve covered. Barely.
The biggest problem in Skeletons in the Closet is that everyone talks about how desperate they are…and no one acts like it. This is a slog. Movies are all about showing…not telling. No matter how many times Terrance Howard tells us how desperate he is…how time is running out…he acts like he’s got all the time in the world. This is a patient movie with a story demanding action. That doesn’t work. While it narratively tries to throw a lot of ideas at the problem…it’s throwing them underhand in a slow pitch game.
Valentina sees a recurring image of a woman in a white dress. That is supposed to provide jump scares. It kind of works the first time…and then never comes close to working again. Until the couple dives headfirst into the story of the curse…Skeletons in the Closet doesn’t have a second idea to provide scares.
Which brings us back to the original point. Why would Shudder think this is something its customers would be interested in? With all due respect to Tubi…they play to a much broader audience and would perhaps be a better fit for Skeletons in the Closet. Something boring with names people recognize. A story where you won’t be able to guess where it’s heading because the script is so scattershot. A forgettable mess that you won’t mind being interrupted with ad breaks. Instead…Tubi is releasing a fresh horror classic like Where the Devil Roams…and Shudder is giving us this? What happened here?
Scare Value
We’ve talked before about the decrease in original titles flowing from Shudder since the cost cutting took place. The key takeaway from that discussion is that Shudder needs to be sure to deliver high quality content if it plans on cutting down on its quantity. Skeletons in the Closet is a bad movie. Shudder knows it. It calls into question why this was picked up to be delivered to the audience that is going to find the least enjoyment in it. This is one place they should have saved their money.
1.5/5
Skeletons in the Closet Link
Streaming on Shudder
Skeletons in the Closet Trailer
If you’re looking for a bad movie that has great energy and delivers some fun…check out Gods of the Deep
