Santastein review
A Frankenstein Santa wreaks havoc in a Christmas Eve slasher? Sign me up twice.
New movie reviews will not contain spoilers.
Santastein
Directed by Manuel Camilion and Benjamin Edelman
Written by Manuel Camilion and Benjamin Edelman
Starring Jared Korotkin, Michael Vitovich, Ophelia Rivera, Kaylie Heyner, Damien Edwards, Heather Fisch and Fernando Morales
Santastein Review
Turning Santa Claus into a Frankenstein monster is such a good idea that I can’t believe we haven’t seen it before. Last year a robot Santa went on a slashing spree in Christmas Bloody Christmas…this is the same kind of thing. Which is to say…this is a good thing. It’s possible (likely?) that someone has done a FrankenSanta before and I’m just blanking on it. It’s also possible that they called it FrankenSanta instead of Santastein.
…
I looked it up and there is no FrankenSanta. The point stands however that there should have been long before Santastein came into our lives. It’s a 10 out of 10 Christmas horror movie concept. Thankfully, Screambox is leaving a copy of Santastein underneath your tree this holiday season. The title of the movie should fully inform you as to what you’ll get when you hit play. This isn’t said as a bad thing. When I heard that people made a Christmas slasher movie where Santa Claus is reassembled from the body parts of dead people…I wanted pretty much exactly what we got.
Twelve years after accidentally killing Santa Claus, Max (Jared Korotkin) brings him back to life with the help of corpses stolen from the local morgue. Unfortunately, anyone who has actually read or seen Frankenstein knows how this is destined to end up. A killing spree ensues as Max tries to deal with both his evil creation and the police who have tracked down the corpse stealing teen.
The concept of killing Santa Claus has been done before. What makes it fun in Santastein is that we see the aftereffects of doing so. There hasn’t been a Christmas in twelve years in this world. Without Santa to deliver presents…the holiday was never the same. Christmas horror movies always have to pick and choose what parts of the holiday they’re going to incorporate into their story. In this story…not only is Santa real…he is the sole reason for the season. Taking him out of the equation changes the world and provides a strong reason for Max to attempt a restoration.
Max’s obvious love interest Paige (Ophelia Rivera) holds the key to the resurrection. Their school science project brings a dead rat back to life. Once Max has finished assembling Santa’s new body…he’s ready to try it on some bigger game. It goes completely as planned aside from one fatal flaw…Santa knows who has been naughty.
Santastein introduces plenty of naughty characters for its antagonist to deal swift Christmas justice on. The story gathers them together for a party, of course. There are some fun kills to be had. Decapitation with Christmas lights, a tongue stuck to a frozen pole, a “you don’t have the guts” quip that ends in having their guts ripped out. It has what you expect…and what you expect is what you want.
That is to say, Santastein is clumsy and messy. It’s sloppy and it wanders around in search of the next kill scene. Will you care about the plight of the “nice” characters? Probably not. Does the investigation into corpse stealing add anything to the story aside from padding the runtime? Not really. The kills it adds could have easily been delivered to unnamed party goers. The point is that it doesn’t matter. A freaking Frankenstein Santa Claus kills his way through a town on Christmas Eve. What do you want if not exactly that?
So, it took someone a long time to do a FrankenSanta story. Was it worth the wait? Of course it was. This is an example of what low budget holiday horror should do more of. There’s a reason that there are a million movies combining a shark with something. This year we’ve seen Werewolf Santa and Santastein. Let’s commit to making Santa Claus + monster a new Christmas horror staple. Neither movie is going to blow you away. They exist to give you something to watch while others tune into the Hallmark channel.
When you want to feel the Christmas spirit but can’t stand the Hallmark channel…you turn on Santastein. Hopefully one day we’ll have movies where Santa is a zombie or a ghost or a kaiju or a vampire or an alien or possessed by a demon… They’re all winners. Hell…most of those are probably already out there. Somewhere.
Scare Value
Look…you know what you’re getting into when you press play on a movie called Santastein. It gives you exactly what you’re after. A slasher movie whose villain is an unstoppable Frankenstein monster of a resurrected Santa Claus. Plenty of unlikable characters are around for Santastein to deem naughty. It’s what you think it is. And that’s a good thing.
3/5
Santastein Link
Streaming on Screambox
Santastein Trailer
If you enjoyed this review of Santastein, check out some other new Christmas Horror releases: Family Ornaments, A Creature Was Stirring, Santa Isn’t Real and There’s Something in the Barn
