Mouseboat Massacre review
The fourth, yes…fourth, Mickey Mouse slasher taught me something about myself.
New movie reviews will not contain spoilers.
Mouseboat Massacre
Directed by Andrea M. Catinella
Written by Harry Boxley
Starring Lauren Leppard, Natasha Tosini, Joseph Emms, Keith Eyles, Kathi DeCouto, Atlanta Moreno and Jay Robertson
Mouseboat Massacre Review
As promised but requested by no one…our coverage of the public domain horror craze continues. I’ve long since lost count of how many of these low budget slashers based on famous but suddenly free IP movies I’ve covered. I’m pretty sure that this is the fourth one inspired by Mickey Mouse. Or, for legal purposes, his debut appearance in Steamboat Willie. They sort of bleed together after a while. I know we’ve had one inside an arcade and one set in a fair doubling as an amusement park. The third was set in an abandoned house. You can’t help but notice that none of them are, in fact, set on a boat. A similar issue has plagued the first two Popeye slasher movies. They’ve taken place in the famous Popeye house and an abandoned spinach canning factory…despite being stories about Popeye THE SAILOR MAN.
We just have to face it…recent public domain characters just aren’t the fit for low budget horror that Winnie-the-Pooh is. All you need to do there is set it in some woods. Which…one out of two Pooh movies managed to sometimes do! At this point my pessimism regarding public domain slasher movies should be obvious. Why then…do I keep reviewing them? There are plenty of other horror movies released each week…not to mention literal decades of classic films to enjoy. As I mentioned in…I don’t know…let’s say Popeye the Slayer Man…I firmly believe that someone will eventually crack this annoying subgenre and deliver something memorable.
That, once again, will not be today.
Mouseboat Massacre did, however, manage to bring another reason into focus for me. This is where I need to be clear. None of these movies are any good. In fact, outside of a somewhat intriguing use of the characters in Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare, they’re all quite bad. That opinion stands for Mouseboat Massacre as well. But I, like many horror movie fanatics, enjoy a bad slasher movie from time to time. These public domain slasher movies have fully taken up the mantle of the bad 80s slasher. They’ve restored the paper-thin disposable characters, random nudity and senseless plots from the golden age of horror. To some viewers…it’s what’s been missing from the genre for about three decades now. De-elevated horror has returned. A non-thinking man’s slasher in a post-Scream world.
That’s all very exaggerated, of course. Plenty of bad low budget slashers have been available after 1996. But, for better and worse, public domain horror has cornered the market of late. Take, for instance, Mouseboat Massacre. The latest release from ITN Studios…the house that Pooh built. For as much as Americans are, rightfully, credited with introducing substandard crap into the marketplaces…the Brits have us beat hands down on public domain horror production. Like the entire Poohniverse and various other forgettable takes…Mouseboat Massacre is a UK film. They just can’t quit these things.
Mimi (Lauren Leppard) is whisked away to a remote location by her family (and therapist) to detox. I believe this was also the plot of Three Blind Mice…another UK public domain slasher story. Based on a nursery rhyme. Anyway…there’s a cursed video tape that draws the mouse killer to you.
Let’s start by answering the most important question. Yes. There is a boat in Mouseboat Massacre. We finally did it. It’s not a major part of the story. In fact, it barely warrants more attention than a few throwaway shots that I’m sure previous Steamboat Willie based horror has snuck in. But…at some point 37 or so minutes into Mouseboat Massacre…we see a killer mouse-man on a damned boat. Mimi even ends up on the boat hiding from the mouse at some point. A conceptual success at last.
The characters around Mimi have one basic quality to remember…much like Mimi herself. Her brother Nigel (Joseph Emms) is a virgin. He meets a beautiful girl at a gas station…and the mouse comes for them when he’s losing his V-card. Mimi’s sister Blaire (Natasha Tosini) is a cam girl…and, wouldn’t you know it, the mouse shows up behind her in view of the client she’s servicing at the time. These aren’t complaints. I just can’t turn off the sarcastic pessimism at this point. It’s a positive to tie the story beats into the character traits.
Mouseboat Massacre does this best with regards to Mimi’s cold turkey detox. After watching the cursed tape…she becomes linked to the killer in some way. She can feel the danger that he is putting her loved ones in. Trying to express this to her therapist and parents fails because they dismiss it as the ramblings of an addict struggling through withdrawal. Hey…that’s good writing whether it’s a Mickey Mouse slasher or a prestige drama. Credit where it’s due.
Everything else about Mouseboat Massacre is what you would expect. Too slow for the first half…mindless killing for the second half. I’m brave enough to say that I’m perfectly fine with the formula. Hell…I grew up on it. Public domain slashers may be quick, cheap, and easily forgotten…but there’s always been a place for that in horror, hasn’t there? It’s 2025 and you can watch a movie where a masked killer stabs a beautiful girl in the boob while she rides a guy. It’s not good. And it’s not for everyone. But, dammit…it’s for some of us.
Scare Value
Mouseboat Massacre is what you expect it to be. And that’s perfectly fine. Public domain horror has taken up the mantle of the bad 80’s slasher and it wears it with pride. There must be an audience for these things, or we wouldn’t get so many of them. If this one isn’t for you…don’t worry. There will be another two out within the next week. That’s real by the way. Screamboat and Shiver Me Timbers will be out next week.
2/5
Mouseboat Massacre Links
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