Cryptids review
SCREAMBOX brings us a fun anthology full of bite sized monster madness.
New movie reviews will not contain spoilers.
Streaming exclusively on SCREAMBOX November 5
Cryptids
Directed by Brett DeJager, Zane Hershberger, John William Holt, Robert Kuhn, Billy “Bloody Bill” Pon and Justin M. Seaman
Written by Adam Hershberger, Zane Hershberger, Robert Kuhn, Billy “Bloody Bill” Pon, Justin Seaman and Jason Turner
Starring Joe Bob Briggs
Cryptids Review
It’s almost a shame that Cryptids is hitting SCREAMBOX in early November. It feels tailor made for a spooky season watch. A fast-paced horror anthology that sees multiple directors having fun with their (sometimes too) brief segments. Everything about it feels primed for late October viewing. Then again, spooky season is 12 months long for all true horror fans anyway.
The wraparound story in Cryptids is notable for its star more than its effectiveness. Joe Bob Briggs (John Bloom) plays radio host Harlan Dean. His show, The Truth Serum serves as that catalyst for the seven stories contained inside the anthology. His topic for the evening is cryptids…mythical creatures that some people believe exist. It’s perfunctory at best. An elegant way to explain the connection between segments…but not very interesting on its own. It attempts to throw a proper ending on the proceedings…but the draw of Cryptids is clearly the short stories it sets up.
As is the case with all our anthology review…we will tackle this review by ranking the segments in reverse order from worst to best. There are no bad segments in Cryptids. In most cases, the lower rankings are explained by the story having very little time to establish itself from the pack. The segments have a consistently strong level of quality to them. We’ll omit the framing story and focus on the seven short stories.
Without any further ado…let’s get to ranking.
7. Chupacabra Death Machines (segment 5)
Billy Pon’s Chupacabra Death Machines is too short to climb up the rankings despite having a fun premise. It has an entertaining 70s style throwback feel. A West Texas barber calls into The Truth Serum to tell Harlan about an ordeal involving a drug cartel and the legendary chupacabra. It’s fast-paced and fun…but it comes and goes before it can make too much of an impression.
6. The Forest Bride (segment 2)
Robert Kuhn’s The Forest Bride deals with the legendary sasquatch. Dean receives a call from a search and rescue worker recounting an encounter with the beast. He and his partner discover an injured woman in the woods. They set out to find the creature she claims attacked her. A fun segment that leads to a very dark ending…The Forest Bride is, like Chupacabra Death Machines, shorter than you’d like. That’s a compliment to the quality of the segments…and why the combination of the seven pieces add up to a strong anthology in the end.
5. Frog Me Forever (segment 3)
Joe from Ohio calls into The Truth Serum to recount the legend of the Loveland Frogman. Director John William Holt delivers another fun, but short, segment. You might be sensing the theme of Cryptids by now. It’s a decidedly weird one…featuring the wildest moment in the anthology. It involves a sex scene that isn’t with who one of the participants thinks it is. Honestly, that moment alone is what places it above the previous two segments.
4. A Hopkins Encounter (segment 4)
Brett DeJager brings us A Hopkinsville Encounter…the most Halloween feeling segment in Cryptids. That’s because, well, it takes place on Halloween. Hopkinsville is rocked by several reports of unidentified flying objects crashing to Earth. A paramedic calls the show to tell us the story of goblins running amok on Halloween. A man finds what he believes to be an egg or a pod of some kind. It hatches, of course, and we get a brief look at a fun little goblin. Unfortunately, that is where A Hopkins Encounter ends. Unsatisfactory ending aside…this is an entertaining addition to Cryptids.
3. Infectious (segment 6)
Max Groah’s Infectious is a throwback to 80s horror featuring kids in the lead. It’s so committed to the 80s aesthetic that the characters throw around the R word like it’s an accepted part of the vernacular. Which…it pretty much was in the 80s. Anyway…it takes place in Dover Massachusetts and involves a local demon. The highlight here is the over-the-top gore effects. It’s a gooey good time that perfectly recreates the era it is going for.
2. Scared (segment 1)
You can flip a coin on which of these top two segments belong on top of Cryptid’s rankings. Zane Hershberger’s Scared is a great way to kick off the anthology. It’s only held back, stop me if you heard this one, by its length. A group of friends encounter the legendary Melon Heads. There is a strong slasher aesthetic here, complete with a worthy final girl. If any of Cryptid’s segments deserved to be expanded into a feature length story…Scared would get my vote. It has the structure of a feature…which means the length forces it to cut out a lot of potentially fun stuff. Characters are shortchanged on development…kills are rushed. But it all works. The creatures where Friday the 13th Part II sacks on their heads…an effective image. The lore is doled out in a campfire chat style. It’s an effective and fun little horror movie. Too short, if anything.
1. Trick of Beast (segment 7)
Justin Seaman’s Trick or Beast takes the crown in Cryptid by fitting its story perfectly into the allotted screen time. Some of the segments are underdeveloped ideas delivering a small dose of weird fun. A couple are stripped down versions of stories with larger potential. Trick or Beast feels precisely suited for its spot in a horror anthology. The story of a group of teens hunting for a local beast, Trick or Beast features very good gore and an exciting conclusion. Between Scared and Trick or Beast, Cryptid bookends its solid anthology with its two finest segments.
Scare Value
If there’s a complaint about Cryptids it’s that none of the segments are long enough to leave a full impression. This anthology files by, changing gears quickly and often. There isn’t a bad short story in the bunch. Everyone is having fun unleashing their particular monster. Characters are mostly paper thin, of course. Segments don’t run long enough for much more than a brief monster encounter. A whole made better by the sum of its parts.
3.5/5
Cryptids Link
Streaming on SCREAMBOX November 5
